The times you go to church

There are times in your life when a quiet building roofed by a steeple and adorned by crosses is the only place you want to be.
Now, I'm not really a church going man. Can't find the time.
Or at least thats what I tell myself.
So it was a different environment for me right off the bat.
A large church.
Thats where we sat.
Side by side in a pew.
"God, I'm afraid." I said it like a prayer.
He was quiet.
Then his voice came alive and it was broken and ripping.
"Yeah. Me too."
The next thing I wanted to say was how things could have ever come to the state we were in.
"She wants to commit suicide..."
"Is that a question?" I asked.
"No. I just wanted to say it out loud."
Yes.
Its so weird.
Say suicide out loud about someone you know.
And mean it.
"Holy shit."
Yeah.
This was serious shit.
The night before she had shown me the scars and the cuts on her wrists. She said she was afraid. She said that she couldn't even feel it. She said she wanted to feel again. "Help me feel again," she said and she came close and she went in to kiss me and I moved away and she wasn't derailed and remained close and I didn't know what to do so I took a drag of my smoke and blew into the cold night. "I really like you," she said. I didn't care. I wanted to get the fuck out of there and fast. She grabed my arm and pulled herself in and wrapped herself against me. "Your my best friend's sister." I said, and hoped the period would stand out. It didn't. "Come up stairs with me," she said. I took another drag and planned my escape. But how could I leave, how could I leave her in the state she was in?
The wind blew cold and I sucked it in and made it breeze through my heart and it gave me power.
I began to walk away.
She followed.
I made a promise to help her.
Hopefully she would live to see another day.
Then I could help.
But not now, not like this.
"Do you understand?"
I spoke to her in the cold night, and now I was telling it to him.
I broke me up to have see her like that, in the state she was in.
I sat in the pew and all I could do was be angry. At alot of things. At alot of people. At myself.
"Jesus." He cursed, or prayed. I didn't know.
Yeah, Jesus. He died on the cross so we could all be forgiven and live our lives happily.
So how the hell did this happen?
"What are we going to do?" He asked.
And I didn't have an answer.
How the hell should I know?
Hell, it wasn't even my problem. I could walk away from this shit and never look back.
Thats what I wanted to do.
But not what I needed to do.
"I don't know, man." And the two of us sat there.
A year has passed and we still don't know.
If it makes any difference, "I'm sorry".
"To both of you."
I just can't figure this one out.
Not smart enough.
And its easier to just walk away.
But I walked away knowing you two would find something.
Somewhere.
There are times in your life where church is the only place you want to be.
I'm sorry they exisit.
....