Moments Alone

In the moments alone you find time to think about yourself.
Cyclical world spins. For a moment your brain does not.
Sitting there, in the bar, waiting for a friend, I let my brain unravel and tangle up with myself.
I wonder how long I'll wait for him, here, and wonder if I should get a drink.
I think I should get a drink. The bartender is pretty -- blonde har, blue eyes -- and makes it worthwhile to stand and wait, looking at her while waiting.
I wonder if my boss really thinks I'm valuable. I wonder if my job is necessary. I think I'm valuable. Maybe he thinks the others are more valuable, more necessary. Is thinking about this unnecessary, counter-productive? The others are kind of insincere, I think. At least I mean well when I try. I try. I've tired hard for a long time. It's been too long a time since I've had an easy time, I think. I think that I wish I could find momentum in my life. It's hard to get rolling up hill. That's what acceleration is for, though. Or a push from others. I think that I'm really tired of the others around me. Not help up the hill, that's the problem. It's hard to like them these days. No loyalty. No sincerity. I think that I'm sincere. Too much ill-intention on their part. Lunar, dark personalities, not solar. What ever happened to good intentions? What ever happened to friends? What ever happened to manners? Backstabbing makes me so angry, I think as I order a drink. A beer. Maybe I should have ordered something stronger, to dull it all, the emotion. I'm so angry. I've got a light bulb full of anger, and I can switch it on an off. That's what Mr. Johnson said. He was right and it fits me perfectly. Trouble is, even when you know when to turn the anger off, it's still there. Present. Maybe the alcohol will help, I think. It has a good way of numbing emotion. I drink.
I'm so angry at the world for spinning me out of control.
I'm so angry at my friend for being late. My job for being so insignificant.
I'm so disappointed my girlfriend cheated on me.
Maybe the alcohol will numb it, I think.
Lunar erupts and solar fades. The night gets darker, I think. I drink. Alone. Waiting for someone who doesn't want to seem to show up.
Music plays from the ceiling. I tap my shoes in rhythm and close my eyes. I close my eyes and my mind stretches like a blanket around me. It stretches my moment alone.
Then I open them to the world. The night says hello as the day says goodbye while the night meets its death somewhere else somewhere across some other sea.
I wish I was at that new day. I guess I'll just wait for my sun to rise.
The alcohol helps.