stagger upward

There is no sunlight, not even a glimmer of sunlight peaking through the clouds to shine itself on my face, cold and half covered in mud.
I wake up to find myself lying in a dark puddle of slush. My hair is soaked and matted down with grime. My eyes burn. My jaw aches. My head throbs with a simmering pain that won't go away.
The world spins as I manage to pull my wet and freezing body from the black slush that has pooled in the gravel driveway along side the house.
I stagger upwards, to me feet. I stumble. The world turns faster and faster in dizzying speed as my feet move to carry the weight of my body that is on the verge of collapsing.
I catch myself on the wall next to me.
I close my eyes. These days I wish I could do that a little more then often.
These days....
These days I wish I could find my face on the back of a milk carton, with the word 'Missing' written in bold. That would be nice. To be lost. Because these days I find myself running from my past, a past draped in a cloak and carrying a dagger and chasing after me with every step I take.
These days the sun doesn't attempt to peak through the iron curtain of clouds above.
These days are full of puddles that a man can slip and fall into.
These days its hard not to drown in one of those puddles.
Fuck, I've been reading too much Kafka.
My eyes open and my vision is ripped from the sweet black nothingness of darkness and back to the crude reality of the world that surrounds me. I can't remember how I got here, but I know that, at some point, I had been running. My legs feel like shaky stone columns holding up the weight of the entire world.
I stagger away from the wall and walk away, then the world is spinning too fast and I need to fall and then I feel nothing, I've numbed myself to the pain, and everything is black and all I can hear is the sound of my throat opening and the sound of vomit hitting the ground under me.
Then the spinning stops and the feeling comes back and its cold and I'm only thankful that I can feel the cold and I open my eyes and push up on my arms and work my legs to get them to start walking and then I stagger upwards and away.
It's all I can do anymore.